The Most Needed Weekend

I desperately needed this weekend! The last two weeks have been really mentally and emotionally tough, but this weekend turned everything around. 

Saturday morning we woke up early to take care of some things with my car. They said it would take three hours, so the hubs and I went to breakfast. I'm always really anxious about going out to eat {for many reasons that I won't bore you with}, but I decided that I wasn't going to let my nervousness determine the rest of my day {like it does 90% of the time}. I was excited about the omelet I ordered, but decided to take it one-step further. I was going to try a biscuit that came with it to see just how bad my gluten intolerance was.

And nothing happened.

I didn't feel instantly bloated, I didn't feel sick, and I didn't have any other symptom of someone with a gluten intolerance. {Side note, I know I do have an intolerance, but it was good to know it wasn't as severe as what I feared.} And the best part of the meal was that I didn't hate myself for eating something I shouldn't have. 

You may think I'm crazy, but you'll have to trust me. Food makes me very anxious, so taking this step was really hard for me to do, but it was very important for me to do.

A few hours later as we were about to pick my car up from the shop, I mentioned that I hadn't had ice cream in a long time {again, for many reasons that I won't bore you with} and I wanted to test myself yet again. So we stop at Dairy Queen where I got a mini blizzard. 

And it was fantastic! Yet again, I didn't feel any guilt in eating it. I didn't hate myself. It was another big step!

After we picked my car up, the hubs and I were having so much fun together that we decided to go to a coffee shop afterwards, like a mini date. Where I had a donut. I haven't had a donut in YEARS, but I felt invincible, and physically I felt great!

Several hours later, {because at this point I had already eaten more food than I do in two days} the hubs and I went to the gym to run some of the damage off. 5 miles on the treadmill and 4 on a spin bike made for a great workout, and made me feel even better.

For dinner I decided to have SOME nutrition to make up for some of my bad food choices throughout the day, so I had a lettuce-wrap burger - super delish.

Yet for dessert, I had the best {and biggest} mound of frozen yogurt I've ever had! 

Luckily the hubs helped me with it because after dessert, we went to see Blended and shared a large popcorn as well!

Turns out, after all of those unnecessary calories, all of the junk food that I haven't had in a LONG time, all the foods I've been denying myself and tearing myself down for even thinking about, didn't make me feel as bad as I feared.

So the next morning, I decided to go at it again. This time - donuts.

We hit up two different donuts shops. One that we've been to before and knew we liked, and another we've heard good things about.

After that settled {several hours later}, we decided to try a different frozen yogurt place, which was also yummy, just not as delish as the day before.


I knew that running the day before played a big part in my confidence in my venture, so I was sure to go to the gym yet again and try to make up for a little of the damage I had eaten. I rocked 5 miles and called it quits because...

It was time to eat Chicago-style pizza! 

{flashback to when we were in Chicago eating REAL Chicago-style pizza at Giordano's}

The one final thing I wished for in my "days of indulgence" was to eat a REAL pizza again. Not a gluten-free pizza, not a cauliflower crusted pizza, but a pizza with real bread. If anything was going to show my gluten intolerance it was going to be a Chi-style pizza slice!

And yet again, nothing happened. I didn't explode. I can still walk. I wasn't exhausted. 

Here's what did happen though, and what made my weekend so great:

• I learned that I'm not going to die if I ingest gluten. 
• I learned that while I always need to be mindful of my food choices, they shouldn't control me and how I feel about myself.
• I learned that making time to make memories with my husband is far more important than obsessing over my meal plan for the upcoming week.
• I learned that sometimes food is part of those memories, and that's okay.
• I learned to look for the beauty, not the fears, of every day. Okay, I already knew this one, but it's always nice to be reminded.
• Part of that beauty is that I learned that I have a beautiful tree in my backyard that has just recently bloomed and it looks beautiful against the blessing of the sky.

• I also learned that my husband finds joy in seeing me happy {I knew this one too}. In fact, he was taking a picture of me taking the picture of the sky. I just turned around too quickly before he could take it.

Here's what else happened:

• I was reminded why I stopped eating like this in the first place. It takes a lot more effort {and it hurts a lot more} to run 5 miles when you're stomach is filled with donuts and fro-yo.
• My eyes started messing up while running during one of the days. It was a "ghost symptom" as it's known, so no damage is done, it's just a sign that my body has MS. But it's still enough to freak me out.
• My face is more swollen than it was a few days ago {since gluten and sugar are inflammatory}. It will take several days for the swelling to go down.
• My stomach was wrecked. Oh yeahhhhh, THAT'S why I stopped eating donuts and ice cream in the first place! It's not nice to my insides.

Sometimes it's okay to not count every calorie, or to measure every ounce of food, or obsess over what you're going to eat that day. Why? For many reasons, but what brought me peace was that for this weekend, I no longer had higher standards than what I could sanely achieve. I let down my guard and had fun. I accepted food as part of the weekend, not rejected it like an enemy waiting to kill me {side note, I'm not worried food will make me fat, but I worry that I'll have a drastic reaction with my MS symptoms, which is why I try to stay so strict}.

And while I loved every moment of this weekend {and cried a little when it was over}, I feel so much more comfortable and confident in why I choose to eat healthy foods on a daily basis. Especially with marathon training officially starting today, I needed to be confident in my dietary and nutritional choices when fueling and refueling my body.

It will probably be another year or so before I eat another serving of ice cream, a donut, a piece of Chicago-style pizza {but not fro-yo though... that stuff is good!} but I'm thankful for all that I learned this weekend, and even more thankful for the love and patience that my husband has shown me. He always loves me through all of my mood swings, my food anxiety attacks, my crazy dreams, my plans, lists, my irrational fears, my lofty goals, my mind changes, and anything else I throw at him. He just smiles and supports me, and loves me even when I fail. I think that's really what made this weekend so great - I was able to fully enjoy his love and support without worrying about what I was going to eat next and when I was going to eat. We just had a great weekend together and enjoyed every moment with each other.

So I need to remember not to worry about tomorrow, for each day has enough trouble on its own, and as Rick Warren always says, the bible says "Give us this day our DAILY bread, not our weekly bread, not our monthly bread, not our yearly bread, but our DAILY bread."

Let's chat!

• Do you worry about things in the future that you shouldn't?
• How often do you track your food? How do you do it {count calories, measure your food, write down what you eat, etc.}
• If you could indulge in anything for one day, what would it be?